tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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