just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize