Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
