I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
