that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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