What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
