then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
