Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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