You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
