i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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