Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
