Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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