you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
