the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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