Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
