He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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