My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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