All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
