If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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