Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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