If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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