Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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