Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
