That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
