Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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