In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
