So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
