It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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