Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
