I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
