did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
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I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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