btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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