So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
