ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
