i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
