just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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