I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
