I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
