I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
