I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
