woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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