This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
