Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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