a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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