I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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