there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
