she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
