A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
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Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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