You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
