I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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