it was like his penis was on wheels.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
