You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
