he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize