like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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