I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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